A Religious Rant of Mine

(This, I must admit, is a little extreme. I was infuriated by an email I received from a reletive of mine, which was heavily religious and talked about non-beliving heretics)


For the life of me, I cannot think of a relevant joke
at the present, but one thing DID catch my eye at the
beginning...

"Okay, Pastor...I got rid of the hypocrites".

A few things we should know about religion an
Hypocracy...


Too TRUE not to pass on...

Isn't it funny how people can preach the "word of
God", then go out and kill people in wars? Hmmm...I
guess "thou shalt not kill" is one of those "at your
own disgression" things.


If we all lived our lives according to the bible, we'd
all be inbred slave-owners, and we'd be having sex with our
children. Funny, isn't it?

Due to carbon-dated studies of biblical documents,
in comparison to bible scriptures and
writings...scientists have discovered that Jesus was
misquoted in the Bible by over 80%.

Strange how people will believe the Story of Noah and
the Flood as TRUTH, yet they don't realize that the
SAME STORY was told 600 years earlier in THE EPIC OF
GILGAMESH, written and told through folklore in
Ancient Acadia. Funny, isn't it?

Funny how simple it is for people to
believe in "God", something they can't see, hear,
feel, or touch...yet they don't believe in evolution,
which has scientific evidence.

Funny how religion is a "win-win" situation for
"believers". You believe God will protect your loved
ones and home, yet when it burns down and everyone is
killed, you simply say "God wanted it that way". Well
good, as long as it's easier for you that way.

Funny how people who are "born again Christians"
completely deny their past, and believe they are
virgins, saints, or completely pure...even if they
were a drug-taking, pill popping slut two weeks prior.
All is forgiven. Yeah, right.

Funny how people will believe that a virgin got
pregnant by a miracle, but they won't believe that
humans once had tails.

Christians don't believe in evolution, despite the
fact that Apes and humans are GENETICALLY 99%
identical. Look it up.

People believe newspapers because:
A) People were THERE to see it and report it, and
B) The events are feasible.

Now...when was the last time anyone here attended a
weekly "Water to wine" or "Rivers of Blood" ceremony
at your neighbor's house?

Funny how people invented God as a reason to not be
afraid of death. The human brain cannot cope with the
idea of Oblivion. Panic is not an option, so they
choose denial.

Funny or is it sick?

Funny how whenever something goes wrong in the world,
they blame it on "Satan" or "Demons". "Oh no! I've
gained weight! I have to exorcise the Health
demons?!"

Funny how people follow the bible, even though it was
first written (and hand-picked) by Constantine...who
was a PAGAN. You know why the "holy day" is Sunday?,
because Constantine changed it from Saturday, in order
to honor Apollo, the Roman god of the SUN.
...Also, Christmas and Easter have nothing to do with
Jesus' death or "resurrection". Constantine
established those dates to mark the end of Pagan
Harvest seasons. Once again...LOOK IT UP.

Odd how religious people attribute all good things to
"acts of God". Oh, look, my garden is blooming...God
has blessed my tulips. Hmmm..no, it couldn't be that
the dirt was doing it's JOB or anything.

Strange how Christians won't let their children read
things like "Harry Potter", because It's supposedly
EVIL. Odd thing is, Harry Potter books involved
nothing far off from magic tricks. So...is pulling a
rabbit out a hat a sign that we should burn the
magician at the stake?

VERY DEMENTED how people will still celebrate Jesus'
Birthday on Christmas Day. NOt only because Jesus'
birthday was actually sometime in October (that's
beside the point), but mostly because JESUS IS DEAD.
2,000 years from now, if someone is singing Happy
Birthday to me, they should be put in a nice, white
jacket.


Funny how you can respect someone's wishes by not
letting your own Atheistic views on religion be
public, yet religious people are allowed to PREACH ALL
THEY WANT TO WHOMEVER THEY WANT!

Funny how each religion (Christianity and Catholicism
above all), preach about forgiveness and mercy...yet
NONE of them practice tolerance. EVERY SINGLE one
claims "If you're not one of us...YOU'RE BURNING IN
HELL"

Strange how people want their children to grow up to
be "Respectful, godly, and pure," yet they teach them
homosexuals are evil, wiccans are evil, and children's books
are possessed with demons. Great...more of
those kids like I went to high school with...Those
kids who call everyone "Fags", and say that everything
they don't understand is "gay". Great culture.


Funny how people can claim they are "Soldiers of God",
when they go out and kill people who are different
than they are. Of course, this began all the way back
in the middle ages, when Pope Gregory declared the
Bible was misquoted, and that "It is only a sin to
kill other Christians".


Are you laughing?

Why...because I'm going to Hell?

or maybe because religion doesn't sound half as "pure"
when it comes from someone not brainwashed from the
same Cult.

Depressing how someone can go from being a reasonable,
easy-going person, to a radical, fanatic Zealot with
judgemental convictions. Why? Oh, because the "great
book" said so, of course.

Funny how you can go through your life forgetting your
own sense of individuality, and forgetting that you
are who YOU ARE. You abandon your common sense,
identity, realism, self-motivation, and chance.

DON'T MOCK CHANCE.

That's all it is, folks. If I get hit by a bus
tomorrow, it's because I was too damn stupid to get
out of the way...NOT because some "God" wanted the bus
to hit me.

You've lost your reason, common sense, and more
importantly, the idea of who YOU are as a human being.
But that doesn't matter anymore, because now...you're
just another sheep.

...and that's not funny. It's actually very sad.