No one Expects the Dann-ish Inquisition!!! (song)

(During this next message, I was involved in a musical
production of The Who's "TOMMY" with Ann Arbor Civic Theatre.
The run was going well, but it was a lot of work, and I think
the strain was starting to show a bit)



17 Apr 2002 20:17:26


...our main element is surprise...fear and surprise!


BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM!

I got a great idea!  Wow!  It just like, you know, HIT me like.....you
now, something that comes along and just, kinda hits ya, you know?


TOMMY POEMS!!!!!!

Great huh?  Yeah, I thought so to...

Here goes...

Ahem...
------------------------------------
Title:
THE FOOD IN MY SHOE IS NOTHING LIKE THE UNDERWEAR OF MANKIND

T'was the night before Wednesday, and all through the hall,
the cast was assembled to sing through it all.
We all held our breath, to wait for our turn
(we all kicked its ass, as we would soon learn),
The girlies in front, the basses in back,
and except for Ernie, there's no one in lack.
We started from scratch, and took it away...
and here's the result, from that fateful day...

It's a boy! It's a boy! But who really cares?!
It's impossible to sing in these God-awful chairs!
The lover is dead after only one verse,
then shot in the head, so what could be worse!
Tommy goes deaf, dumb, and blind from the shock...
but only 5 minutes have passed on the clock!
Then Dann sings his bit, and fucked it up bad,
sits back in his seat, and everyone's glad.
Next is what I think to be the best part,
the wonderful, kick-ass guitar piece called "Sparks".
Then on to Dann for one final say...
Ten years old, blah blah blah, oh...what the hey.
Christmas was wonderful, so no one fret,
although by THIS time, we're drowning in sweat.
Next on to Ernie, the sick, twisted fuck...
but Ben didn't show, so he's out of luck.
We go on to Kevin, the nasty, young crook.
But the ONLY one brave enough to not use his book!
We go to Sensation, and that was good, too...
except for Dann's problem of counting in two.
Eyesight to Blind for Ian and Andy...
I told them that song was just fine and dandy!
January next as the Acid Queen,
(a song that almost requires you scream)
When she was done, I clapped with rest...
I hate Tina Turner, so January's best!
Pinball Wizard is here and is gone,
and by the end of the song, everyone's swallowed their tongue.
At the end of the hour, we're done with Act One,
Not knowing the pain had just begun.

Act Two began great, with the doctor's piece sung,
GIVE A HAND TO BIG BRIAN FOR SQUEEZING HIS LUNGS!
The song was too high, he was afraid he would fall,
but I said "To sing high, just squeeze on your ____s! (ha ha..okay..)
But nothing that night could've been any clearer,
Then the wonderful performance of "Smash the Mirror!"
She beat the song down, and showed it who's boss,
Nothing at fault, Nothing was lost.
On to "I'm Free"....we won't speak of that,
It sounded like Tommy had swallowed a rat.
The endless reprises were done very well,
and if we messed up...then no one could tell!
The last 3 songs were wonderful too,
and that is thanks to everyone of you.
We make a great cast, That's the point of this poem,
Ummm...blah blah....hmmm....nothing rhymes with poem...
Phloem?
Golem?
Bowl-em?
Stoem?
Phlegm? Ick.
Whatever, the frickin' pentameter is ruined....thanks a lot!!!!
NOW MY GODDAMN POEM HAS LOST THE HEART-FELT, LOVING MEANING THAT WAS
(sniff) INTENDED! (sniff) I HATE YOU!  (sob) THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A
GOOD POEM!! (weep like a little German girl)
AAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!