Amazing Journey (song)

(Yes, I just can't get enough parodies)


Tue, 26 Mar 2002 18:43:01


Dann's Unsung Gyros....the Turkish Invade through the bathroom window
Bum bum BUMMMMMMMMMM

Yes...it's that time agin, folks!

Time for another song!

This time...we're gonna kick things up a notch.  We're gonna do a
tribute to a great (yeah, right) singer.  That great man we all
love.........
...
....
.....

   MEAT LOAF !!!

So, today's song will follow in the tradition of "Paradise by the
ashboard Light", in the sense that it will be a long, stupid title that
as absolutely nothing to do with the song!!!!

today's song is entitled:...
..
...

"The Turkish Invade Through the Bathroom Window, But My Suspenders
an't Hold up Your Love"

***Sung to the tune of "AMAZING JOURNEY"***

Ahem.....

Deaf, Dumb and BLOND boy, he's in his own emailing land...
Normal, it seems, his endless new themes are very sad.

19 years old, 20 in two days, his stomach hurts.
His hair is unclean, his breath turns you green, go eat some Certs!

Sickness will surely cause the mind,
to think that his songs are a hit!
Just wait for the useless chorus,
and you'll see he's full of shit!

The Turkish Invade the Bathroom Window,
My Suspenders won't my love for you,
Too much pasta, and too much stew...
I hate the title of this song...don't you?!!!!!!

Dum....dum dum.....dum dumm....

Nothing to do...
No place to go...
No one to see...

Each new stanza puts him further away from sleep.

Sickness will surely make him think,
that people like him to write...
and then you'll all be screwed,
if you let him think he's right....

A vague haze of delirium puts him to sleep,
You no longer have to read mail from this Creep.
He's going to bed, before he falls dead...
To which, some would say, "What the Hell...GO AHEAD!!!!"

DUM DUM...DUM DUM.....


*clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap
*clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap
*clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap *clap
*clap *clap

Thank you, thank you....

I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING WHEN I WROTE THIS SONG.
PLEASE HOLD NOTHING AGAINST ME...ESPECIALLY A LOADED GUN.

DISCLAIMER:  ALL PEOPLE AND INANIMATE OBJECTS DISCRIBED IN THIS SONG
ARE FAKE.  ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY
COINCIDENTAL.



"I gotta go...the pipes are calling."

No one Expects the Dann-ish Inquisition!!! (song)

(During this next message, I was involved in a musical
production of The Who's "TOMMY" with Ann Arbor Civic Theatre.
The run was going well, but it was a lot of work, and I think
the strain was starting to show a bit)



17 Apr 2002 20:17:26


...our main element is surprise...fear and surprise!


BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM!

I got a great idea!  Wow!  It just like, you know, HIT me like.....you
now, something that comes along and just, kinda hits ya, you know?


TOMMY POEMS!!!!!!

Great huh?  Yeah, I thought so to...

Here goes...

Ahem...
------------------------------------
Title:
THE FOOD IN MY SHOE IS NOTHING LIKE THE UNDERWEAR OF MANKIND

T'was the night before Wednesday, and all through the hall,
the cast was assembled to sing through it all.
We all held our breath, to wait for our turn
(we all kicked its ass, as we would soon learn),
The girlies in front, the basses in back,
and except for Ernie, there's no one in lack.
We started from scratch, and took it away...
and here's the result, from that fateful day...

It's a boy! It's a boy! But who really cares?!
It's impossible to sing in these God-awful chairs!
The lover is dead after only one verse,
then shot in the head, so what could be worse!
Tommy goes deaf, dumb, and blind from the shock...
but only 5 minutes have passed on the clock!
Then Dann sings his bit, and fucked it up bad,
sits back in his seat, and everyone's glad.
Next is what I think to be the best part,
the wonderful, kick-ass guitar piece called "Sparks".
Then on to Dann for one final say...
Ten years old, blah blah blah, oh...what the hey.
Christmas was wonderful, so no one fret,
although by THIS time, we're drowning in sweat.
Next on to Ernie, the sick, twisted fuck...
but Ben didn't show, so he's out of luck.
We go on to Kevin, the nasty, young crook.
But the ONLY one brave enough to not use his book!
We go to Sensation, and that was good, too...
except for Dann's problem of counting in two.
Eyesight to Blind for Ian and Andy...
I told them that song was just fine and dandy!
January next as the Acid Queen,
(a song that almost requires you scream)
When she was done, I clapped with rest...
I hate Tina Turner, so January's best!
Pinball Wizard is here and is gone,
and by the end of the song, everyone's swallowed their tongue.
At the end of the hour, we're done with Act One,
Not knowing the pain had just begun.

Act Two began great, with the doctor's piece sung,
GIVE A HAND TO BIG BRIAN FOR SQUEEZING HIS LUNGS!
The song was too high, he was afraid he would fall,
but I said "To sing high, just squeeze on your ____s! (ha ha..okay..)
But nothing that night could've been any clearer,
Then the wonderful performance of "Smash the Mirror!"
She beat the song down, and showed it who's boss,
Nothing at fault, Nothing was lost.
On to "I'm Free"....we won't speak of that,
It sounded like Tommy had swallowed a rat.
The endless reprises were done very well,
and if we messed up...then no one could tell!
The last 3 songs were wonderful too,
and that is thanks to everyone of you.
We make a great cast, That's the point of this poem,
Ummm...blah blah....hmmm....nothing rhymes with poem...
Phloem?
Golem?
Bowl-em?
Stoem?
Phlegm? Ick.
Whatever, the frickin' pentameter is ruined....thanks a lot!!!!
NOW MY GODDAMN POEM HAS LOST THE HEART-FELT, LOVING MEANING THAT WAS
(sniff) INTENDED! (sniff) I HATE YOU!  (sob) THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A
GOOD POEM!! (weep like a little German girl)
AAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Poetry for Loonies

Tue, 11 Feb 2003 08:35:36

I've discovered the secret pattern of waking up in the
morning.

I've turned into a poem, because a song would lose the
FEELING!

ahem...

"MORNING ARRIVES LIKE A RABID BUFFALO IN HEAT"

When you wake up in the morning,
it comes without a warning.
At first you lie, half awake,
your legs will hurt, your neck will ache.
As you sit, the worst begins,
you flex your hands, which feel like pins.
You try to stretch, but hear a "crack",
and you guessed right---it was your back.
Next the neck, which never works,
you roll it around, and pull and jerk,
Suddenly, it locks in place,
which brings a squashed look to your face.

When you stand, you notice well,
that BOTH your legs feel like hell.
They feel like Jello, the reason is clear:
they wiggle and flop, so you fall on your rear.

At last you get the bathroom sink,
but your brain is not quite ready to think.
Your brain feels "fuzzy", you head is spinning,
(Your fighting a war, but Sleep is winning)
Your head feels sludgy, soupy and cold,
as if your brain were growing mold,
You start to fall asleep with ease,
as your brain transforms to Cottage Cheese.

You wake up on the bathroom floor,
(at least you slept an hour more!)
you use the tub to reach the sink,
your eyes are red, your cheeks are pink,
you wish that you could call in sick,
but you don't want people to think you're a Prick.

you grab the soap, a hopeless race,
because you cannot feel your face,
you'd love to comb your hair as well,
but from the fall...your arms have swelled.
Your legs have finally turned to mush,
Another reason your hair's not brushed.
For who can safely comb with style,
When their legs feel much like oozing bile?

You hop back to the bedroom now,
to get dressed quick (don't ask me how).
You grab your shoes and tie them tight,
and run like hell with all your might,

You get outside and look around...
your ears have heard an interesting sound.
You'd still be running for the car,
If you hadn't heard this from afar.
The sound of church bells far away,
Informs you well that it is SUNDAY.

You don't look back...you fall where you stand.
and give the world a sarcastic hand.
Then, with your last dozing words,
You yell to all the singing birds:

"I'd go to bed if I felt my legs...
so HERE I'm going to lie.
and I don't think I have to beg...
Just leave me here to die."

THE INSOMNIAC LETTERS: Episode I

Mon, 3 Feb 2003 23:59:52

Due to the inevitable, I am once
again wide awake at 2:15 in the morning.  So let's sit
back and have some "Thought Soup", shall we?

First, I would like to apologize for anyone who reads
these and instantly thinks of Doogie Howser.  Over the
last few weeks, that's what I've begun to think of
myself as.  A stupid, rambling dork, awake at all
hours of the night finding respite through empty words
on a computer screen.  Sort of comforting in a
"not-so-friendly-kinda-poopy" way...you know?

I've discovered the secret analyzation to Sleep
Deprivation.  There's basically 3 types of Insomnia:

1.  The "ITCHY DANCE" Dilemma (the Worst)
 This case is by far the worst...as it says above
(duh).  The second you crawl into bed, it starts with
something small.  Your head itches once or twice.
Then, after about 10 seconds, your ankle itches.  Then
your head again.  Then your ear...then your leg, your
head, both ears, your neck, your ankle, your feet,
your back, your shoulders, your head, your neck, your
ears...AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

2.  "RISE and SHINE" Syndrome
 This is a bad one, too.  This is the type of
Insomnia where although you are exhausted to the point
where you feel you may pass out....you crawl into
bed...and IMMEDIATELY you feel wide awake.  You feel
like you could run 30 miles through the Scottish
Highlands, Swim the entire length of the st. Lawrence
River, Trudge through the whole Gobi Desert, or any
number of vigorous activities...but if you get out of
bed...you're exhausted again.

3.  The "DAMN THIS FUCKING BED" Skirmish
 This is a popular one.  IN this never-ending
battle. you fight for hours with the bed, trying to
find a single comfortable spot.  Usually, if you ever
find a situation that is somewhat comfortable...it
will require you to keep both arms in a position that
causes you to lose all the blood to them.  The result?
Upon waking the next morning, you can't feel either
arm, so you have to flop over, swing your arms around
your body and flail them about viciously until you can
feel them again.  PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO DOES THAT.

(Honorable Mention #4)

*4* The "PSYCHO'S PSYCHE"
 This one is an honorable mention only because I'm
not sure how many people other that me get this one.
While trying to get to sleep, lying there, you start
contemplating everything you've done throughout the
day, and everything you HAVE TO DO tomorrow.  You
start going over random lists and statistics in your
head, and constantly think about everything in the
world...except sleep.  Before you know it, it's 5 AM,
and you're watching another one of those stupid
Ed McMahon "Neighborhood Watch" Commercials.


Speaking of which...it's 2:45.
I think the kids are dead.

Shit.  I just remembered I have a test tomorrow.  It's
on Art and Ancient Cultures.  I hate Art.  Well...most
art.  I don't understand it.  I don't understand why
someone painting a picture of a guy standing still is
sooooooooooo great and awe-striking.  I think it's
pretty damn boring, myself.


Did you ever notice how everything seems better when
it's NOT YOURS?

For instance, Shirts, sweaters, coats, beds, sofas,
drinks, food....EVERYTHING.

If it doesn't belong to you, it seems much better.

Some examples:

I find everyone else's bed I come across to be
extrememly comfortable...except mine.

Someone you know will have the exact same couch at
home as you...but there's is actually comfy to sit in.

Someone orders the something at a restaurant, and you
think it looks good...so you order it, and it sucks.

Life is really weird sometimes.


I saw a film today...Oh Boy.    (Forget it)

My feet are cold again.  Oh Well.

My head hurts.  Probably from sitting in the dark 2
feet from a bright, white monitor.

DAMN.  I never realized just how much I complain.
Shit, I must be really annoying.  I'll try and
stop...sorry, it's just in my nature.

You ever have a really great idea that sounds really
stupid later on?  I mean, usually ones that are
attributed to exhaustion.
Like you sit there, dozing in and out, and then you
suddenly have an epiphany that makes no sense?

Like, putting golf shoes on elephants in order to stop
world hunger?  Then you think to yourself "I'm such a
genius!"  The  you wake up the next morning and
wonder,  "What was I smoking?"

Life is weird sometimes.  It's like a board game.
Specifically...MONOPOLY.

Everything in this world tells you that it's one giant
game of Monopoly.  Everyone owns a business except
you, you're always paying rent that's too high and too
often, and every chance you get in life turns into "Do
not pass GO, do not collect $200".

Life is funny sometimes.

3:00 on the dot...

Maybe I should try and sleep again.  My test is in a
few hours...and in my present state, I'll probably
forget where the damn college is.

Once again, thank you all for coming.  As as you close
now, remember the last words of Harry Houdini, who
said:  "Hey, watch this!"

See.  I warned you.

Supercalifragilisticexpiallydocious
(never actually SEEN that word before...rather
impressive for a synonym for "Happy")